The choices we make in life get us from point A to point B. Who cares how we get there. You use steps to get into the building & I use a ramp. Now we’re both where we need to be, A to B. I know this sounds over-simplified but maybe it should be simple.
There is no right or wrong here but you have to be willing to fall on your face and pull yourself back up, let go of the bar. Me? I have only a few regrets but they are huge. Without any explanation they seem easily avoided; 1) abortion, 2) leaving the love of my life, and 3) wasting nearly 3 years in a nursing home. Now, I’ll dig into the circumstances that surrounded my choices. Abortion is not something I have ever, personally (I’m not getting political), believed in. I DO believe in sex, and lots of it! I was 17, young, unprepared and my disability made my future uncertain. My choice will haunt me, always.
My second regret was a little less black and white. I drank, smoked and screwed my way through high school and halfway through college (and was happy doing it!). One night, I let some drunk guy pick me up in bar. He wasn’t a college student (no chance of running into him on campus) but still good looking. I never thought I’d see him again. My roomie and I went to a party the next weekend and he was there with his friend. I spent most of the night talking to his friend. He was running around acting weird and then I figured out why. He was there with his girlfriend and his “wing man” was keeping me busy. Oh, hell no! After that, we started dating. He had slipped in under my radar and pretty soon I began planning a wedding. I was excited about being a wife and mother. I began to feel…off. At first, I thought my disease was progressing and I didn’t want to become a burden. So, I summoned the strength to call it off, rip my heart out of my chest and leave. Over the next four months, I dropped down to nearly 80 pounds. I became weak and withdrawn. A family friend, who was also a doctor, drew vile after vile of blood from my arm, determined to find the cause. Insomnia set in. The prognosis finally reared its ugly head. My thyroid had bee releasing hormones at an alarming rate. A condition called Grave’s Disease. My mom invited me to come to Florida to get well. I went. A year and a half later, with the help of an endocrinologist and physical therapist, I headed off to finish college. There are still nights I cry myself to sleep over that loss, wondering what might have been.
My largest regret cost me the most. I feel that I was wrongly influenced but in the end, the choice was mine. No one my age has any business living in a nursing home! I thought I was strong enough to handle it temporarily while I transitioned my resources from Arizona to Colorado but I was there too long, my spirit died. I’ve built it up again but something is missing. Were my choices more right or more wrong based on the circumstances?
Neither, they are only my regret. My idea of what could’ve been. If I had chosen differently, I might have regret for what I have done. Life is uncertain, not right or wrong.
Enough of that trip down morbid memory lane! The good in my life far out weighs the bad. Even with my disability!
There is no right or wrong here but you have to be willing to fall on your face and pull yourself back up, let go of the bar. Me? I have only a few regrets but they are huge. Without any explanation they seem easily avoided; 1) abortion, 2) leaving the love of my life, and 3) wasting nearly 3 years in a nursing home. Now, I’ll dig into the circumstances that surrounded my choices. Abortion is not something I have ever, personally (I’m not getting political), believed in. I DO believe in sex, and lots of it! I was 17, young, unprepared and my disability made my future uncertain. My choice will haunt me, always.
My second regret was a little less black and white. I drank, smoked and screwed my way through high school and halfway through college (and was happy doing it!). One night, I let some drunk guy pick me up in bar. He wasn’t a college student (no chance of running into him on campus) but still good looking. I never thought I’d see him again. My roomie and I went to a party the next weekend and he was there with his friend. I spent most of the night talking to his friend. He was running around acting weird and then I figured out why. He was there with his girlfriend and his “wing man” was keeping me busy. Oh, hell no! After that, we started dating. He had slipped in under my radar and pretty soon I began planning a wedding. I was excited about being a wife and mother. I began to feel…off. At first, I thought my disease was progressing and I didn’t want to become a burden. So, I summoned the strength to call it off, rip my heart out of my chest and leave. Over the next four months, I dropped down to nearly 80 pounds. I became weak and withdrawn. A family friend, who was also a doctor, drew vile after vile of blood from my arm, determined to find the cause. Insomnia set in. The prognosis finally reared its ugly head. My thyroid had bee releasing hormones at an alarming rate. A condition called Grave’s Disease. My mom invited me to come to Florida to get well. I went. A year and a half later, with the help of an endocrinologist and physical therapist, I headed off to finish college. There are still nights I cry myself to sleep over that loss, wondering what might have been.
My largest regret cost me the most. I feel that I was wrongly influenced but in the end, the choice was mine. No one my age has any business living in a nursing home! I thought I was strong enough to handle it temporarily while I transitioned my resources from Arizona to Colorado but I was there too long, my spirit died. I’ve built it up again but something is missing. Were my choices more right or more wrong based on the circumstances?
Neither, they are only my regret. My idea of what could’ve been. If I had chosen differently, I might have regret for what I have done. Life is uncertain, not right or wrong.
Enough of that trip down morbid memory lane! The good in my life far out weighs the bad. Even with my disability!
